Monday, June 20, 2011

The five types of monster tail wags

The monster is a waggy little dog. Unless she is sleeping, her tail is wagging. Over time I have learned that the monster has five distinct tail wags.

1.       The “I’m happy that I’m a monster” wag
This is your generic happy dog tail wag. When the monster is going for a walk, when she is playing with her toys, when she is riding in the car, the monster likes to let me know what a happy little dog she is.

2.       The “That’s my name” wag
The monster knows she is a monster. I know this because she responds when I call her a monster – it’s usually a slight little wag of the tail acknowledgement. But When I say “Haley” she really wags her tail. In general, the monster likes being talked to – even if I’m ranting about her latest bad activity and what a monster she is. But most of all, the monster loves to be acknowledged and she is very pleased when I say her name to her. So amused that sometimes we can spend a good ½ and hour with me just telling her “you’re so Haley” or asking “who’s the Haley-est dog I know?”.

3.       The “Yummy, yummy, gimme” wag
The monster, like most dogs, is crazy about people food. She will dig through trash, find a leftover snack stuffed in my purse and grab things off the countertop. I’m at the point where I’ve given up and voluntarily feed the monster a little bit of people food. This is where I’ve done bad here because other people who might come over don’t like monsters begging for food. But for the record, the monster never whines, barks or jump up for food. She just sits there looking all sweet and monster like wagging her little tail – and how can I resist- she’s just so freaking cute! It’s too the point where the monster knows the routine: I sit to eat, she sits in front of me wagging her tail and patiently waiting for her turn; whatever is left on my plate when I am full gets given to her – on the plate. I’m noticed a great little perk beyond making the monster happy is not pre-rinsing dishes (I do the sani wash is the dishwasher EVERY time so don’t get a grossed out).

4.       The “I’m so cute, you can’t be mad at me” wag
The monster is called the monster for a reason, every now and then the monster does bad dog things. Things like ripping up feather pillows, ruining Douney and Burke purses, and having “accidents” in the house when I am home and she knows how to indicate she wants to go out. I am sure overtime each of the monster’s bad dog actions will get their own blog post – but for now, know that ruined items aren’t even shocking anymore.  Whenever I find one of her little bad Haley moments I usually wind up sighing and reminding her that she is a monster, and she wags her tail at me and looks up, then hangs he head. Sometimes she will go into the corner, tail still wagging. And of course, it works every time because she does in fact look so darn cute I just can’t be mad.

5.       The “This is my house I will protect it” wag
The monster does not like people coming near our home; which is unfortunate because we live in a townhouse. Heaven forbid the neighbors enter or exit their home through their own front dorr, the monster just won’t have it. And of course, the mailman is just delivering mail as a guise, he really wants to break in. You would think after two years the monster would have learned to recognize the ordinary activity outside our home; you would be wrong. Anytime there is any noise outside the monster will run to the dog, stand up and scratch at it, growl and bark and widly wag her tail. There is no stopping the monster at this, not even the prospects of treats is enough to entice her. At best I can hold her in which she will squirm the entire time, tail wagging and growling. I usually just give up and choose to ignore the behavior as the monster will eventually calm herself down and go back to sleep / whatever she was doing.

Until the monster I was under the general opinion that dogs wag their tails when they were happy; and maybe dogs do but Haley is different . . . and that’s why she’s my monster.

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